I intended for January
to May to be a time where this blog transformed into a wedding blog, where all
my experiences as a bride-to-be would be documented for my friends and family
to see. The thing about planning a wedding though is that no matter how much
help you are getting with the organizing bit, you are still insanely busy. Ergo,
this blog had to revisit its dormant state.
Now that we’re back and
settled into real life my dress is in the closet, our wedding gifts are finding
places in our cupboards and the paperwork and ID’s all show my new name and
marital status. Before long I won’t even have to remind myself to sign as E.
Horne instead of E. Redd.
With the hustle and
bustle behind us I’ve had a chance to reflect. When asked if I would do
anything differently with our wedding I’m happy to say no. Scott and I had the
most beautiful perfect wedding and drove away from our reception perfectly
happy, but if I could go back and give myself advice, this is what I would say.
Figure Out What Is Most Important To
You And Your Groom And Don’t Let It Go
Scott
and I knew right away that other than the ceremony the thing that mattered most
to us was having a great dance (his dance moves are one of my biggest wife
brags). After that we wanted to have a chance to enjoy some alone time between
the chaos of the ceremony, photos and reception. Another important one for me
was wearing flowers in my hair; something I had resolved to do when I was six.
This meant a bigger budget for the DJ, a few scheduling allowances, a little
more work in certain areas, but those sacrifices were worthwhile because they
meant the most to us.
Be Ready To Let Some Ideas Go
No
matter how big your wedding, you cannot make all your Pinterest dreams come
true. For one thing they probably don’t all go together, or your groom may not
like some of them. For us a bigger DJ budget meant smaller budgets elsewhere,
and an earlier ceremony meant being busier the night before. You will have to
let other less important things go. It will be worth it.
Making Time To Still Date Your
Husband-To-Be Is The Most Important Wedding Prep You Can Do
It was
so easy to get tunnel vision, to focus all my energy entirely on our wedding
day, but I made a goal early on that I would at least not pester Scott with
wedding to dos at the dinner table, a promise that was not always easy to keep.
As
special as it was, our wedding was just one day leading to an eternity of days
together. I was given the advice early on that preparing for the marriage
should be a bigger focus than preparing for the wedding. I’m grateful for the
nights Scott and I went out to dinner, tried something we’d always meant to do
together or just wandered around our neighbourhood catching Pokémon. These
things kept us sane, and reminded me over and over again that regardless of
what happened with invites, dresses and cake, this was about Scott and I starting
a life together. As long as I got that part right nothing else really mattered.
Wedding Dress Shopping Is Nothing
Like Say Yes To The Dress
After
Scott and I got engaged I straightaway made an appointment at a bridal salon.
With my sister, niece and maid of honour in tow we went searching for THE
DRESS. Two hours in we had narrowed it down to two dresses and then down to
one. After sleeping on it I ordered said dress and was giddy with excitement
over it. Seriously, I kept saying over and over to Scott “I bought a wedding dress”
whenever there was a lull in the conversation all weekend. It was magical, and
while the dress was nothing like my original idea, I felt like a bride in it.
Fast-forward
three weeks. My dress is late and it turns out that due to miscommunication
with the salon my dress cannot be here in time for my seamstress to alter it
for my wedding. I get a refund and start again. A different sister, aunt and I
go to another salon. We find an almost identical dress but I still end up
choosing a completely different look with a new dress I fell in love with. It’s
again completely magical, surprising and I feel like a bride in it.
Your
wedding dress isn’t your soul mate. There are several dresses that will work
for you and make you feel like a bride. I hope every bride has that giddy
excited feeling when she finds a dress because it’s amazing and magical, but seriously
don’t stress it. There’s no One Dress out there for you. Trust me, I found two.
Make Whatever You Can A Party
One of
my favourite pre-wedding memories is the night Scott’s sisters and parents came
over to help me make paper cones and table name cards. My father-in-law got
everyone slurpees and we sat around my kitchen table visiting while stapling
pretty paper and practicing cursive with gold Sharpies. These were tasks I
could have easily done by myself but I had so much more fun doing so while
getting to know my in-laws better.
My mom
(also my florist) often does this with flower arranging parties, where family
and friends of the bride and groom get together to make the centerpieces. I was
only at mine for an hour, as I had to pick up my dress that day but this makes
what would normally be an exhausting day for her a lot of fun.
Scott and
I took this approach with everything from getting our marriage license to
registering to our engagement photos. I found celebrating these tasks as once
in a lifetime moments instead of treating them solely as things to cross off
our to do list made the whole process much more special.
Delegate, Delegate, Delegate . . .
Then Delegate Some More
I
consider myself extremely fortunate that I had more offers to assist with the
wedding than I had projects for. My mother operated under the philosophy that
Scott and I could focus on the marriage, she would worry about the party. We
still had plenty to do of course, but I was grateful that when I was stressed
out with wedding and moving and marriage I had two families I could call on. I
would never recommend to any bride or groom to do it all themselves. You have
more important things to focus on, trust me.
You Cannot Control the Weather, So
Just Prepare For Everything and Roll With Whatever You Get
Looking
at my reception photos, it’s pretty obvious my back is sunburned. I was
surprisingly okay with this. In fact, I thought it was kind of funny.
The
week leading up to my wedding I was obsessively watching the weather forecast.
Early predictions called for rain on my wedding day and while my ceremony and
reception were both indoors, I had my heart set on outdoor wedding photos along
the Bow River. That week, as I checked the Weather Network several times a day,
I obsessed over every rainy possibility. I cried over it more than once and
sent Scott many panicked texts. The response was always the same; it will be
fine.
I made
sure we would have umbrellas on hand and calmed down quite a bit when the
forecast changed to sunny. It was so sunny in fact that the back of my neck
turned red while we taking the gorgeous shots by the river. I had been so
stressed about rain I had forgotten about the other extreme.
I look
at the photos of me twirling on the dance floor sunburned and blissfully happy and
have to smile, because the hot weather didn’t matter any more than taking my
photos with an umbrella would have. It’s just a funny story now, one I wasted
too much worry on.
This Isn’t About You. Think of What
Your Groom Will Want
Wedding
traditions and the wedding industry primarily focus on the bride. It makes
sense, as a general rule women think about these sorts of things more. That was
also the case with us. Scott weighed in on colours, cake flavours and table
names, on who gave speeches and songs to play or avoid at the reception, but he
didn’t sit up late brainstorming. I was grateful for his opinion and his
involvement, especially as he would get bored with the topic before me on
nearly every occasion.
It
wasn’t just in wedding details however that I wanted to consider Scott’s wants
and needs. This was his special day as well, the epilogue to our amazing love
story Vol. I and I wanted to sweep him off his feet as thoroughly as he had me.
This
occurred to me when we started considering our program. It was decided that
both our fathers would give a toast. Scott would do his toast to the bride and
asked for the shoe game. We would then cut the cake and open the dance floor. It
was then that the thought crossed my mind; should I give a toast? Out of my
five married siblings, none of the brides have given a toast. I’ve never seen a
bride toast the groom, and traditionally the bride makes no speeches. I know my
mother was surprised by the idea; it was something I never considered doing,
but one thought definitely decided me on this plan.
Scott’s
primary love language is Words of Affirmation. He needs to hear those words of
praise as much as I need his listening ear and we both need to hear I love you.
It wasn’t something I was comfortable with, but I knew it would mean the world
to my husband.
The Moments You Love Best Will
Surprise You
A guest
at our reception told me that in twenty years time I would remember maybe three
things from my wedding day. I’m an obsessive journaler so I spent a lot of time
documenting all I could remember in the days after, but this thought rings true
with something I found in the days after, as I started to reminisce.
The
happiest moments of my wedding day, the ones I jotted down right away and still
think over and smile are seemingly insignificant. The big moments that we
planned so well for; the first dance, the cake cutting, the photo shoot and
speeches were all beautiful, but the memory that makes me smile the most was
that morning when my mom and I pulled up to the temple where we were getting
married. I looked out the van window and saw Scott, my Scott standing by the
front door waiting for me. I was so excited I fairly leapt out of the car and
ran to him. He looked so handsome, and about as excited as I felt.
The moments
that I cherish the most, that made me laugh the hardest or cry for joy are not
what I thought they would be.
But
more on this next post.
