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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

What I Wish I'd Known Before I Was a Bride


I intended for January to May to be a time where this blog transformed into a wedding blog, where all my experiences as a bride-to-be would be documented for my friends and family to see. The thing about planning a wedding though is that no matter how much help you are getting with the organizing bit, you are still insanely busy. Ergo, this blog had to revisit its dormant state.

Now that we’re back and settled into real life my dress is in the closet, our wedding gifts are finding places in our cupboards and the paperwork and ID’s all show my new name and marital status. Before long I won’t even have to remind myself to sign as E. Horne instead of E. Redd.

With the hustle and bustle behind us I’ve had a chance to reflect. When asked if I would do anything differently with our wedding I’m happy to say no. Scott and I had the most beautiful perfect wedding and drove away from our reception perfectly happy, but if I could go back and give myself advice, this is what I would say.

Figure Out What Is Most Important To You And Your Groom And Don’t Let It Go

Scott and I knew right away that other than the ceremony the thing that mattered most to us was having a great dance (his dance moves are one of my biggest wife brags). After that we wanted to have a chance to enjoy some alone time between the chaos of the ceremony, photos and reception. Another important one for me was wearing flowers in my hair; something I had resolved to do when I was six. This meant a bigger budget for the DJ, a few scheduling allowances, a little more work in certain areas, but those sacrifices were worthwhile because they meant the most to us.

Be Ready To Let Some Ideas Go

No matter how big your wedding, you cannot make all your Pinterest dreams come true. For one thing they probably don’t all go together, or your groom may not like some of them. For us a bigger DJ budget meant smaller budgets elsewhere, and an earlier ceremony meant being busier the night before. You will have to let other less important things go. It will be worth it.

Making Time To Still Date Your Husband-To-Be Is The Most Important Wedding Prep You Can Do

It was so easy to get tunnel vision, to focus all my energy entirely on our wedding day, but I made a goal early on that I would at least not pester Scott with wedding to dos at the dinner table, a promise that was not always easy to keep.

As special as it was, our wedding was just one day leading to an eternity of days together. I was given the advice early on that preparing for the marriage should be a bigger focus than preparing for the wedding. I’m grateful for the nights Scott and I went out to dinner, tried something we’d always meant to do together or just wandered around our neighbourhood catching Pok√©mon. These things kept us sane, and reminded me over and over again that regardless of what happened with invites, dresses and cake, this was about Scott and I starting a life together. As long as I got that part right nothing else really mattered.

Wedding Dress Shopping Is Nothing Like Say Yes To The Dress

After Scott and I got engaged I straightaway made an appointment at a bridal salon. With my sister, niece and maid of honour in tow we went searching for THE DRESS. Two hours in we had narrowed it down to two dresses and then down to one. After sleeping on it I ordered said dress and was giddy with excitement over it. Seriously, I kept saying over and over to Scott “I bought a wedding dress” whenever there was a lull in the conversation all weekend. It was magical, and while the dress was nothing like my original idea, I felt like a bride in it.

Fast-forward three weeks. My dress is late and it turns out that due to miscommunication with the salon my dress cannot be here in time for my seamstress to alter it for my wedding. I get a refund and start again. A different sister, aunt and I go to another salon. We find an almost identical dress but I still end up choosing a completely different look with a new dress I fell in love with. It’s again completely magical, surprising and I feel like a bride in it.

Your wedding dress isn’t your soul mate. There are several dresses that will work for you and make you feel like a bride. I hope every bride has that giddy excited feeling when she finds a dress because it’s amazing and magical, but seriously don’t stress it. There’s no One Dress out there for you. Trust me, I found two.

Make Whatever You Can A Party

One of my favourite pre-wedding memories is the night Scott’s sisters and parents came over to help me make paper cones and table name cards. My father-in-law got everyone slurpees and we sat around my kitchen table visiting while stapling pretty paper and practicing cursive with gold Sharpies. These were tasks I could have easily done by myself but I had so much more fun doing so while getting to know my in-laws better.

My mom (also my florist) often does this with flower arranging parties, where family and friends of the bride and groom get together to make the centerpieces. I was only at mine for an hour, as I had to pick up my dress that day but this makes what would normally be an exhausting day for her a lot of fun.

Scott and I took this approach with everything from getting our marriage license to registering to our engagement photos. I found celebrating these tasks as once in a lifetime moments instead of treating them solely as things to cross off our to do list made the whole process much more special.

Delegate, Delegate, Delegate . . . Then Delegate Some More

I consider myself extremely fortunate that I had more offers to assist with the wedding than I had projects for. My mother operated under the philosophy that Scott and I could focus on the marriage, she would worry about the party. We still had plenty to do of course, but I was grateful that when I was stressed out with wedding and moving and marriage I had two families I could call on. I would never recommend to any bride or groom to do it all themselves. You have more important things to focus on, trust me.

You Cannot Control the Weather, So Just Prepare For Everything and Roll With Whatever You Get

Looking at my reception photos, it’s pretty obvious my back is sunburned. I was surprisingly okay with this. In fact, I thought it was kind of funny.

The week leading up to my wedding I was obsessively watching the weather forecast. Early predictions called for rain on my wedding day and while my ceremony and reception were both indoors, I had my heart set on outdoor wedding photos along the Bow River. That week, as I checked the Weather Network several times a day, I obsessed over every rainy possibility. I cried over it more than once and sent Scott many panicked texts. The response was always the same; it will be fine.

I made sure we would have umbrellas on hand and calmed down quite a bit when the forecast changed to sunny. It was so sunny in fact that the back of my neck turned red while we taking the gorgeous shots by the river. I had been so stressed about rain I had forgotten about the other extreme.

I look at the photos of me twirling on the dance floor sunburned and blissfully happy and have to smile, because the hot weather didn’t matter any more than taking my photos with an umbrella would have. It’s just a funny story now, one I wasted too much worry on.

This Isn’t About You. Think of What Your Groom Will Want

Wedding traditions and the wedding industry primarily focus on the bride. It makes sense, as a general rule women think about these sorts of things more. That was also the case with us. Scott weighed in on colours, cake flavours and table names, on who gave speeches and songs to play or avoid at the reception, but he didn’t sit up late brainstorming. I was grateful for his opinion and his involvement, especially as he would get bored with the topic before me on nearly every occasion.

It wasn’t just in wedding details however that I wanted to consider Scott’s wants and needs. This was his special day as well, the epilogue to our amazing love story Vol. I and I wanted to sweep him off his feet as thoroughly as he had me.

This occurred to me when we started considering our program. It was decided that both our fathers would give a toast. Scott would do his toast to the bride and asked for the shoe game. We would then cut the cake and open the dance floor. It was then that the thought crossed my mind; should I give a toast? Out of my five married siblings, none of the brides have given a toast. I’ve never seen a bride toast the groom, and traditionally the bride makes no speeches. I know my mother was surprised by the idea; it was something I never considered doing, but one thought definitely decided me on this plan.

Scott’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation. He needs to hear those words of praise as much as I need his listening ear and we both need to hear I love you. It wasn’t something I was comfortable with, but I knew it would mean the world to my husband.

The Moments You Love Best Will Surprise You

A guest at our reception told me that in twenty years time I would remember maybe three things from my wedding day. I’m an obsessive journaler so I spent a lot of time documenting all I could remember in the days after, but this thought rings true with something I found in the days after, as I started to reminisce.

The happiest moments of my wedding day, the ones I jotted down right away and still think over and smile are seemingly insignificant. The big moments that we planned so well for; the first dance, the cake cutting, the photo shoot and speeches were all beautiful, but the memory that makes me smile the most was that morning when my mom and I pulled up to the temple where we were getting married. I looked out the van window and saw Scott, my Scott standing by the front door waiting for me. I was so excited I fairly leapt out of the car and ran to him. He looked so handsome, and about as excited as I felt.

The moments that I cherish the most, that made me laugh the hardest or cry for joy are not what I thought they would be.

But more on this  next post. 

Saturday, January 21, 2017

This is The Story You've Been Waiting For

For the past few months, people have asked me what is new in my life, and every time they do, I squirm a little. Big things have been going on in my life and they know it, but I can’t talk about it. Everyone can see what’s going on when they see me holding hands with my sweetheart, when they nod as I oh so casually mention that I spent Christmas with my boyfriend’s family instead of my own, yet they know they can’t ask, and so we all smile and nod as I mention that work is busy and the weather is cold. Well, now I can finally talk about it.

On Saturday, January 14, 2017 (our five monthiversary) my Scott asked me to marry him. I immediately said yes and now we are engaged! Hooray!!!!!!!! There are not enough exclamation marks or memes in the world to convey my joy.

Since then Facebook has exploded, and through all the messages and video chats, the phone calls and memes, people keep asking for the same story. I think I told it close to ten times on Saturday alone. I"m getting really good at it, but for the sake of everyone else who's still asking for it, here is the story of our engagement:

Let me just start by introducing my Scott to the blogosphere. Scott, blogosphere, blogosphere, this is Scott.

My Future Husband As Described By Fun Facts:
-he has three older sisters and no brothers, a family dynamic I am fairly familiar with!
-his favourite animal is a raptor riding a dragon.
-he dances like a maniac, to the point he has had to turn on the air conditioning in his car in the winter sometimes.
-he loves me more than dubstep, but that is saying something.
-he finds physics and math to be really fun.
-he is really good at accents and had me in stitches with his Italian mobster impression this week.
-he has introduced me to the joys of Dungeons and Dragons,EDM and Pokemon Go.
-he loves live mixing or DJing and he's very talented.

That's a glimpse of my Scott. And now for the story you've all been waiting for.

It begins with a lot of fake lead ins. I knew Scott was going to propose sometime in January and he knew I knew that, so for the first half of the month he kept getting down on one knee to  tie his shoe lace, or fish something out of his pocket only to come up with nothing. Think Jim from The Office. I couldn't stop laughing, and I promise he only really fooled me once. Maybe twice.

Last Saturday morning Scott and I got up to clean the church. He had told me the night before that he and his friends were going to play basketball afterwards. I was invited, but had every intention of going home to do laundry instead. As we finished cleaning the church, Scott asked me if I had eaten breakfast, and seeing as it was closer to lunchtime suggested that as we were both hungry we go to Chianti's. He then started walking to his car saying he would meet me there, to which I pointed out that Chianti's was about a block and a half away and we wouldn't find parking much closer. I was surprised he'd forgotten this. On our second date we had gone to Chianti's but parked at the church and walked. Despite this, Scott insisted he wanted to park closer and told me specifically: you should take your own car.

My first thought: someone did something to my car.

No one had, but I drove that block and a half anyways. When I arrived (and parked) I saw Scott's best friend Mitch outside.

My thought: Oh Mitch and Joe are here, I guess he's not proposing after all.

I am about to walk into the restaurant when Mitch hands me box of chocolates (Purdy's hedgehogs) and a card. In the card Scott had written some very romantic things which no one else gets to hear and the following: you are in the wrong place. Go to our favourite spot for curry.

Now I knew why he had insisted I drive!

Our favourite spot for curry is an Indian buffet called Daawat. Amazing food and exceptional service if you're looking for a good Indian place. It also happens to be where we went on our second monthiversary and my birthday. A lot of beautiful memories in our relationship have happened at Daawat, and at Chianti's.

Slightly onto Scott's game I jumped into my car and drove to Daawat, the whole time grinning to myself and saying out loud: this is really happening! I raced across the street to Daawat but checked the street first for familiar faces. Sure enough, Scott's other best friend Joe was standing outside with another gift and another card.

The gift this time was a new notebook to write more of our love story in. The card, among other things, said "please go to the park where we had our very very first date."

For our very, very first date Scott took me on a picnic. This was about two and a half years ago, but I still remembered where it was, we'd walked through End of Steel Park countless times while playing Pokemon Go! It was near enough I decided to walk.

Of course I got turned around on the way there. I was walking/running up an alleyway thinking: I am pretty sure I should see the park by now. Where is it? Turns our End of Steel Park was partially closed to set up for the ice sculpture festival they host each winter, but my Scott was still waiting as close to the spot as he could get.

When I caught up to him he gave me a big kiss, right there on the sidewalk. At that precise moment our friends Janine and Lizzie happened to be driving by. They honked and shouted: we saw that! I thought to myself: five minutes later and you would have seen something much more interesting.

Sure enough, five minutes later Scott got down on one knee in the snow. Mitch and Joe had shown up because they wanted a video of the event, and then Scott started to sing. He'd rewritten the lyrics of a Lonely Island song to his own song "I Have a Ring in a Box"! Then he pulled out a ring (in a box) and said:

"Elena (he used my full name but I don't use full names here), will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

I SAID YES!!! I didn't even really leave a moment's pause after he finished asking, I was so excited.

Afterwards, Scott let me choose: Chianti's or Daawat for lunch!


Wednesday, January 11, 2017

A Homage to HQ

I take a look around the room. It's empty, and looks a lot smaller without my stuff. The wall where my couch used to sit doesn't look long enough. The dining nook could never have held a table and chairs. There is absolutely no way all the shoes and coats and laundry baskets could have ever been in the same hallway. This apartment is no where near big enough to have held the last five and a half years of my life.

Over the Christmas break, in between turkey, chocolate and presents, I moved. This is interesting not only because it adds a new kind of stress to the holidays, but it was the end of an era. With the handing over of keys on January 31st, I effectively ended another chapter in my life. I'm feeling nostalgic still, and now that I'm over the post-cleaning exhaustion, I'm letting my nostalgia run free over the page.

The old apartment, or HQ, as my friends used to call it, was the home I came to as an early twenty-something fresh out of school and ready to start my career. I was brand new to Edmonton and together with a recently discovered friend we went apartment hunting. We chose HQ because of the hardwood floors and in suite laundry. I stayed despite the fact it backs onto a noisy alleyway and it turns into a sauna in summertime.  Through a revolving door of roommates and dramatic changes in my own life, HQ was home.

I look around the empty apartment and memories come flooding back, good and bad. I came into this room carrying a box of personal effects and sat down to cry the day I got laid off of work. This is where I grieved my grandmother's death, a dozen broken hearts, and even more petty frustrations. Those are the tougher memories, the ones I'd rather forget, though they have made me who I am.

It was also here that I invited a girl named Brooke over for a sleepover. We'd gradually been becoming friends and that night instead of watching movies or playing games we stayed up until 3 talking about everything (except boys, surprisingly). That was four years ago. Since then Brooke and I have discovered we are the same person, should be best friends, became roommates/adopted sisters, and I'll soon be the maid of honour at her wedding. It's strange to think that before I lived here she wasn't in my life.

Brooke wasn't even the only friend I made in my years at HQ. This place has been the birthplace of many bosom friendships: Kyla - my Diana friend (yes that is an Anne of Green Gables reference), Bean - who lived at the Northern Division (her apartment was a few blocks north of HQ), Meggy - who along with my cousin/roommate Mika was a founding member of my writing group, and several others. Because of them life in my HQ years became so rich.

The shenanigans that ensued. The beginning of Cafe Chi; my writing group, which is still going strong four years later. The group Halloween costumes starting with Clue, carrying on to the awesome Disney villain collaborative, X-Men and steampunking. The murder mystery parties; usually written by Mika with themes like Greek gods, fairytale characters, and Batman villains/sidekicks. Packing up my dress up trunk in this move was an involved process, and I loved it.

The Pi(e) Day parties, the tea parties (in period costume, obviously), the writing parties with or without a lot of writing accomplished, the dates and date rehashings; both the good, the bad and the hilarious. The impromptu sleepovers with countless friends. On move out day, we had four spare keys to collect from various friends. This wasn't just the end of an era for me or my long line of roommates. When Bean came to return her key she took a look around the place to say good bye. She also brought pie, so I think you can all tell at least one reason why we're so close!

I sit and look around this empty room, trying to take it all in before this place becomes no more than a memory to me. There's an extra reason I am feeling so nostalgic, and he's sitting right next to me. He holds my hand and patiently waits for the landlord to show up so we can finish the inspection and go for lunch, and he's feeling nearly as nostalgic as I am.

Two years ago, Brooke and I invited a bunch of friends over one summer evening, including a boy named Scott, whom we had just met. A month or so after that, in this very room, he asked me out for the first time.

He sits with me and we point out places in the spotless room. Sitting on the couch was where we first agreed we were dating. Down the hallway is where we had our first kiss. That same couch was where we both said I love you for the first time, and countless other precious moments, maybe for another story, another time. This little place, with its narrow hallway, south facing windows and crazy neighbours was the setting where my love story unfolded.

I entered this place as a scared little graduate, desperately excited to see what life in Edmonton would hold for her. I leave it as late twenties professional, hand in hand with my Scott and still desperately excited. I cannot wait to see what memories my next home will see.